Please Excuse My Irresponsibility

Welcome Back Readers,

I've never been a sympathizer for people who crave making excuses. That being said, I won't pretend for a minute that I've never been caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar and fired away excuses as to why. I'm seeing it more often in society around me, and more than I would like in myself. The Entitlement Culture that politics has said so much about in recent years has spawned an Excusing Culture on the side, which is effectively destroying the long standing moral duty to be personally responsible for anything.

This isn't a new idea really, but I want to believe that it hasn't made its way out of grade school until recently. Perfect example: I can't count the number of times that something would get broken or some mess would be made or something important left undone while I was still living at home with my siblings, and no one would ever 'fess up when Mom and Dad would ask about it. whoever was to blame knew exactly what had happened and who WAS to blame, but "that darn nobody" was the only one who took the fall.

Now that I'm older, married, out of the house, paying my own bills, thinking about a future and desperately working to provide for one, the stakes are significantly higher than getting out of cleaning up my own messes. I'm so much more aware of my giving in to the Excusing Culture than I was at home, and my conscience tugs at me much harder now. Just a few days ago at my part-time job, in a group meeting we talked about a recent slip up in handling appointments with clients. I knew when the group started talking about this that I was at least partly to blame, but said nothing. I had to move one of my appointments the previous week and forgot to reschedule it, leaving the poor person hanging without any help.

Our employer never asked who it was that made the mistake, and the consequence wasn't more than "don't do it again", but had I been willing to be responsible for my mistake, I would have been more at ease, and everyone else would have too. I could have left that meeting walking a little taller knowing that I had acted with integrity.

I'm defining Integrity has having the choice to do what is right or what is easy, and choosing to do right. My decision to say nothing at that meeting was certainly easy, but it wasn't right. In a more serious and professional setting my actions would have had much more serious consequences. I could have been fired for that kind of irresponsibility, especially if it got back around to the boss that I didn't own my mistakes.

What I see around me isn't quite that passive. Saying nothing in the face of your mistakes is bad enough, but it's much worse to go on the offensive, wielding excuses and accusations like a club to beat blame off your own hide and onto someone else. My life has led me to meet countless people who feel victimized, people who are quick to point a finger at anyone but themselves when it comes to trouble in their life. In genuine concern I tell them all the time that if they would just own their trouble and take some serious steps to get themselves out of trouble, life would be so much better for them.

Relief is not going to come from framing somebody else or tricking yourself into believing it's everyone else's problem, and that you've been wronged. Instead what you'll have is the burden of justifying a lie. When forced to choose between right and easy, right will always seem painful, complicated, and long lasting. Easy will always seem... easy, and so we rationalize and justify our own exempt status from consequence. This is self deception, and in our hearts we know it.

It so turns out that without exception, responsibility is better for the world than excuses. like nature, responsibility and blame have to fill a vacuum. Replacing responsibility with rationalization forces the first to go somewhere else. This leaves two moral problems on your plate; lying to yourself and others, and forcing your deferred responsibility onto someone who didn't deserve it.

When I started 8th grade my dad handed me a job working at a local cemetery. I didn't like the work, but the paychecks we're just big enough to boggle my 15 year old mind. I remember clearly one September day in my freshman year of high school, I was interring an addition to the cemetery. The project was about half finished; the concrete vault containing the casket was covered with only a few inches of soil. I still needed to finish covering the grave, watering the grave, putting sod back over the plot, and cleaning up the extra dirt and tools. It was dirty, tiring work, and there was a play rehearsal I was supposed to be getting to. I chose to leave the grave unfinished and go to play practice, telling myself I would finish it later.

The following week my dad called me into his office explaining that someone had called the cemetery manager, complaining that her loved one's grave had not been completed. I was to call that person right then and there and apologize. I only barely managed to keep my composure through that phone call. It struck me hard that day that I was dealing with real people who had real feelings and were dealing with a tremendous loss. I recommitted myself to never again treat that lightly. I decided to take real responsibility, especially after that rough call.

Even when it means harsh consequences, only those with the spine to be responsible will excel at most anything. There is not a single job that can do without it; there is not an honorable soul on earth who'll disrespect you with it. Get it. Keep it. You and I both need it.