Who do I want Him to Be?

                

Last weekend marked the end (hopefully) of my first baby shopping experience. Megan and I spent hours cruising Idaho Falls, mostly to learn that the biggest things we needed we could get for hundreds less online. I managed to hang on until the bitter end though. We wandered through Toys R’ Us for an hour too long, being kids ourselves instead of looking for the things our kid needed. I came across some brilliant marketing from the Home Depot in my wanderings; A toy weed eater. Yes, a toy chore. Really, it’s genius. If we can get the children to believe early that trimming weeds is fun, having teenagers will be a delight. They will fight over who gets to use the real weed eater. I need to invest in a toy dishwasher, a toy garage to sweep out with a toy broom, toy clothes to fold, even toy bills to pay! Look how fun, kids!

                In a more serious way, this little baby trip has moved me closer to squaring with being a father. There’s only about a month left now. For anyone who hasn’t waited through eight months of pregnancy yet, enjoy the time you have without it in your life. Knowing a baby is coming, then having more or less nothing happen for eight months is about as fun as watching paint dry while sitting on a cactus, to say nothing of the ordeal actually carrying the baby is (as if I was qualified to say anything about that anyway). Over and over again we have wondered and worried about what our life will become when Lucas is finally born. The biggest and most overwhelming feelings for us have been excitement and joy, of course, but the package deal comes with terror, nervousness, inadequacy, and all the rest.

                More personally my thoughts have revolved around a single question: who do I want my son to be? Several weeks ago now I was talking with a coworker about the difficulties in her own life, and I pointed out that one of the hurdles for her to get over was figuring out who she wanted to be. If she could get a solid handle on that, all the other choices in her life would become pretty easy to make, at the very least the right choices would become easy to see. Getting that down sooner rather than later can and would make all the difference in anyone’s life. Being like someone isn’t quite strong enough either; finding an example to model is only preparatory to becoming something, only training wheels on the bicycle.

                I don’t want Lucas to be like me, either. I have plenty of flaws, and my interests very well might not be his interests. I wouldn’t want to keep him from something he might love for the sake of having “a chip off the old block.” The only things I would hope to see him emulate in my example are what I would show him from my own greater example. I want him to first be like the Savior, then become a disciple of Him.

                I want him to choose to do good, not be forced into it.

                I want him to be kind first, never cruel.

                I want him to be strong in the face of conflict.

                I want him to be humble and work hard for what he has.

                I want him to see learning as a tool and a treasure.

                I want to give my best to him. I pray my best will be enough.